talking to myself

You have felt true happiness before, which means you will feel it again. You know what to look for and what has brought you light, and chasing it is what will help bring you out of the darkness. 

Your last life was good and your new one will be, too. But it will be a new life, whether you want it to be or not. Embracing that instead of digging your heels into the sand will only help you.

You’ll be proud to have known them, to have had them in your life. You can be both sad and proud at the same time, but let the pride propel you forward instead of letting the sadness hold you back. Grief is just love with nowhere to go, but if you really search, you’ll find there are plenty of empty places that still need a fill of your love. There is always somewhere for love to go. There is always room. 

You have experienced true love. You brought two children into this world, into a happy, healthy home life and marriage. That was a gift you were given. It doesn’t stop being a gift just because your husband died. 

Just as Mary Oliver wrote, “Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. / It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” This gift has been excruciatingly painful, but it was transformative, still a gift - a gift of a new start, a new life, a strong foundation you can now build upon.

You will be okay, but you are the only one who can decide that. You decide whether this experience will wreck you or rebuild you stronger. You won’t be able to choose which days feel impossible and which feel doable, but you get to choose to keep trying, to keep weathering the storm.